Blog Posts

Help? Or something else?

1/12/2019

By Helen Armstrong

As adults, we are pretty hard wired to make things as happy, easy and pleasant for our children as possible. We want to soothe those tears, help get that little arm unstuck, hold the little hand as they make their way down the steps. We have the best of intentions with all this help that we offer, but what if they were a little misplaced??

What if struggle, was the aim of the game much of the time? Imagine a small baby, rolled over from her back to her belly, with one arm a little stuck under her torso. She grunts, groans and wiggles...maybe even cries out a little. What does our instinct tell us? HELP! Fix it for her, get her comfortable again. Essentially, what we feel like we need to do, eliminates the struggle for her. But what would this achieve? Sure she is more comfortable now, for this moment. Perhaps next time though, when she feels that sense of discomfort and frustration begin to bubble, instead of looking within herself... she looks to you.

What if instead of donning the superhero cape and swooping in to save her, we waited a little? Noticed what she was doing, paid attention to those sounds and her movements and expressions. What if we moved a little closer, to be there in-case things got really hairy, but instead of offering ‘help’ we offered our presence through the struggle? We might notice her sense of determination. We might notice her arm coming a little more free with every wiggle and movement until voila! Free!!!! And not just free, but free and deeply satisfied at the tremendous sense of empowerment that comes from persevering through some struggle and coming out victorious. Free and powerful. With a very important learning experience stored away in that little bank account. Maybe that, is more helpful than anything!

Likewise when we are tempted to reach out an arm to support that wobbly little figure trying to make his way across the balance beam or the playground bridge. Something he may not have achieved this time round by working on it without ‘help’ and so again that temptation arrives to get the cape out and to swoop in. How about taking a step back here, instead of forward? We might notice that he is spending time just exploring how it feels to be up here. Perhaps using his feet as intelligent proprioceptive tools for learning, figuring out where the balance feels right or how to get his centre of gravity stable. When we come along and offer a well meaning arm, not only do we throw off those delicate beginnings of balance and gravity centering, but we essentially say “You cant do this without me” and that, is a message that sticks in young brains like superglue.

When we look back over our experiences in life, we realise that we didn’t learn the most from the things that were smooth sailing, easy and neatly polished. On the contrary! We learn and grow from risk, difficultly and struggle.

When we allow children to do the things that make the hair on the back of our neck stand up... We show trust. We grow courage. We promote perseverance. Risky play, difficult work and uninterrupted struggle are the foundations for SO many wonderful qualities and dispositions to be established.

To strive, work hard and move is innate in us, as is body/physical intelligence . Children who are free to explore their bodies individual capabilities from birth, take MEASURED risks.

Relax. Be close. Trust them and let them be free!

Helen Armstrong works alongside families and professionals through consultancy and professional development. She attended RIE® Foundations in 2011 with Maureen Perry and Polly Elam

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My Personal Journey

1/11/2019

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By Janine Brooker

My name is Janine and I am a kaiako (teacher) at The Learning Centre in Ponsonby, Auckland. I started working at TLC over three years ago. For me, it was a dream opportunity. But it hasn’t been easy. Now I have completed a continuity of care cycle, it has made me reflect on how I have changed as a teacher and remember my own personal journey...

The time has come to say goodbye to my cohort of 3 1⁄2 year olds and return to the Kākano room to begin again with a new cohort of infants. I remember feeling a combination of excitement, anxiety and pride to once again be in a position to meet new parents, role model the philosophy and be an advocate for TLC and Magda Gerber’s Educaring® Approach.

I guess I feel better prepared this time, as the first time around was a difficult journey to say the least. I had learned about RIE® and Magda Gerber’s Educaring® Approach around 2011 and did the RIE® Foundations: Theory and ObservationTM course with Polly Elam and Sharon Smith. This was an amazing experience that had me buzzing with the possibility of using the RIE® principles in my old centre, being a mentor for my fellow teachers, sharing this vision with the management team......but no.....that did not happen. I came to the realisation that some people just don’t care about respecting infants, toddlers or young children, they will ‘care for them’ and ‘meet their needs’ in the way they believe is appropriate, but that’s as far as it goes. To say I had a huge reality check, was an understatement. Then I changed centres and even though it seemed to be more opportunity to work with infants under this philosophy, it still couldn't quite reach its full potential. I was more than disappointed, why was this so hard?

Respecting infants, trusting their abilities, creating an environment that supports free movement, responsive care. Sounds great right? Having a program for toddlers that supports their independence and interdependence. That works with their autonomy.. Small numbers, flexible timeframes, consistency and creating limits and boundaries that provide optimum learning opportunities for the children. Perfect! What about, uninterrupted play, respectful communication, listening, equity, partnership, one on one care routines, trust, observation, planning ..and so on...That's what we do isn’t it?

Teachers following the Educaring® Approach do all this and more. So why is there so much resistance from centres and teachers? Why do some people get so dismissive, even passive aggressive, when we try to discuss how we can be more respectful with the infants in our care. When we try and open up discussions about Magda Gerber’s vision for children and families with our centre managers or team leaders, the proverbial door gets slammed in our faces. I felt like I was hitting my head against a brick wall. Only a handful of teachers I knew, felt the RIE® principles were the only way it should be. Others were outright derisive. I think I gave up a little bit then. I stopped reading about the philosophy and stopped wanting to share it with others. I am ashamed to say, I think I even stopped being a respectful teacher and just went along with what everyone else was doing. It felt wrong.

Then came the opportunity to work at TLC!! To work with women I had seen at workshops...talking about the philosophy, loving it, understanding it. In my mind, it was the ‘holy grail’ of RIE® inspired teachings. It was the place to learn, to grow and to finally see how the philosophy translates to real practice in a centre that has Magda Gerber’s Educaring® Approach in its heart and everything is done with that in mind. I was beyond excited. I had heard of Elena Marouchos, Ania Wojcikowski and Nikki Grazier and knew that this was where I needed to be.

When I finally got upstairs to work alongside Elena and the upstairs team and begin my own cohort.....I seemed to lose myself. I forgot some of the basics of the Educaring® Approach. I didn’t know who I was as a teacher. I wanted to be a RIE® teacher and ‘wipe away’ my teaching practices from the other centres. I didn’t want to be like that anymore...I wanted to be a teacher like Elena and Ania. But as much as I wanted that...it didn’t happen.. I made mistakes, I dwelled on the choices I made with the children, I second guessed my decisions and I knew I wasn’t being a strong team member or a confident and authentic teacher.

The first meeting I had with Elena, stays with me even two years later. I’ll never forget what she said to me that day. She looked at me and said “I don’t know who you are as a teacher. I can’t give you advice, guidance or even comment on how you are with the children, because you are NOT being your authentic self......I can see that.....you know this and the children can sense it.” Of course it wasn’t word for word, but the message was clear. STOP trying to ‘DO’ RIE® and learn to ‘FEEL’ RIE ® . Don’t be afraid to be yourself, you are learning and if you are unsure what to do with the children in a way that reflects the philosophy, then we have something to work on.

I’ll be honest, some days I felt like throwing it all in. I felt frustrated at myself and exhausted mentally and emotionally. Some days I cried in the car on the way home. I remember thinking I was a crap teacher and I was never going to ‘get’ this. But every morning I got back in that room and I watched and listened to Elena with the children, then we talked and worked out strategies and I tried to remember all the things that were explained to me. It made sense. I loved the philosophy. I believed in the principles. I could see how the children responded, learned and developed under this philosophy and it amazed me. I could see a difference in the way the children in my last centre expressed themselves, their sense of self awareness, self regulation, confidence, inner directedness, it was not where it could be. The way the children at TLC moved, responded; their independence, their holistic growth and the development of their skills, proved the philosophy worked! What Magda Gerber and Dr. Emmi Pikler believed about children’s capabilities was true and I could see it and I wanted.....NEEDED to be a part of this. So as frustrating and raw as this experience was sometimes, I trusted Elena. I knew she saw potential in me and I wanted to prove to her and to myself that I could FEEL this philosophy; that it came from my heart, not just from my head.

We laugh about that time now, Elena and I. She looks at me with warmth and affection (I think) when we reminisce about all my ‘challenges’ in the Kākano room. She uses me in her talks at workshops to express that our time was a learning curve for both of us. I think, for me, the most precious part and the most humbling, is when she looks at me and says softly and emphatically, that she learned about herself from me??! Those words are a gift. Personally, I think I gave her many sleepless nights and a few more gray hairs!!

So my journey continued from the (Kākano room) young infants, to the (Weka room) older infants to the (Kea space) toddler room and then to the Tūī room with the pre-school children. I LOVED being part of TLC's vision for continuity of care. After all the growth and soul searching I did in the Kākano room, I felt that it was worth it, to move with my cohort of six children through all the spaces. I continued learning along the way and at some point I think I even became a mentor for some of the other teachers!?! It was a wonderful experience that made me understand myself more and I learned that even when you feel like you are at your lowest point, you can come back up. Self belief, resilience, determination, confidence, trust and respect for yourself and others, gives you the strength to work through obstacles. To be the person you want to be at the end of the day. This is the type of learning we want for our children right? What a lesson to learn at this stage of my life and what a gift we can give our children.

Teaching infants, toddlers and young children under the RIE® principles is visionary and creates a future where there is hope and compassion and kindness. It is celebrating and accepting children in each stage of their growth and it is preparing them to be the adults we hope they will be. It’s why we do what we do.

So now.....I’m back upstairs.to begin again........

Janine is a teacher at The Learning Centre (TLC) in Ponsonby, Auckland. She completed RIE® FoundationsTM in 2011 with Polly Elam and Sharon Smith.

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Applying RIE® in personal life when unexpected tragedy strikes.

1/10/2019

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A Personal Reflection on Educaring® and Life By Malenka Robinson

As I venture more and more into my life and deeper into my Educaring® journey; increasingly the truth behind the notion that we do not do RIE® but live RIE® becomes more apparent and real. It is easy to walk the everyday walk of life, to just keep going, thinking that we are doing pretty good, practicing what we are preaching; however, it is when something unexpected happens, when stress rises that we commonly revert to our defaults. During these times our true values, ways of being and support systems become evident and are confirmed.

I was in this situation in September 2018 during my pregnancy with my first-born. Following conception my pregnancy progressed without anything to note except a low-lying placenta at 22 weeks. This was not a concern; it is relatively common and often changes as the pregnancy progresses. I had experienced frequent movement, however being a first pregnancy, it was hard to know what to expect, I had no benchmark from a previous experience to draw upon. It was at a routine midwife appointment at 31.5weeks that my world came crashing down. My midwife struggled to find a fetal heartbeat. At this point I headed to the Women’s Assessment Unit (WAU) at Auckland Hospital where my husband met me. It was here that it was confirmed that there was no heartbeat, that our baby had unexpectantly passed away.

Several hours later in this unbelievable course our lives had taken, we received, what I consider our first blessing, I moved into spontaneous labour and gave birth to our first-born son, Manu. Unfortunately, this relatively easy birth was following by theatre for me as I experienced a haemorrhage. A couple of hours later I was reunited with my whānau including our wee Manu to try to comprehend what had just taken place. A day off work with a couple of appointments, including a relaxing massage and the excitement of the final build up to the inaugural NZITC Unfolding conference had suddenly been extremely upended!

It was like living a dream, it all felt surreal and I had to keep reminding myself that this was real time, that this had just happened and that the numbness would eventually pass. My only thoughts at this time was that this was not the entry into motherhood I had envisioned; I knew it was going to be different and challenging but this was hard, the why questions started. The question of how we would bounce back from this and the knowledge that my life would never be the same again kept being at the forefront. Now 11 months on, as we approach another milestone from this first year, I look back on the months that followed Manu’s birth and I can see how Educaring® and Magda’s ideas had permeated my personal life from my professional life. I can see how these have become part of who I am, they have become some of my defaults.

One of the biggest choices I was able to make was to Slow Down. Slowing down is something that educators often struggle to do as we meet the needs of others and get all the tasks done, yet it is an imperative foundation to Magda’s ideas. Magda said, “Do less, observe more, enjoy most.” For me following Manu’s birth I had an option. I could keep extremely busy, return to work following brief bereavement leave and pretend that life was as it was before his passing or stop, do less, and allow my life to crumble. I chose to do the latter, I chose to take maternity leave, do less, observe what was happening for me, my husband and close family and somehow find little moments to enjoy. Moments as simple as sitting on the deck, listening to the chicken’s cluck with no southerly wind blowing in off the harbour, or savouring the scent of an essential oil a friend gave me.

In the initial months every waking moment I was affronted by the fact that I had not planned to be in this place. While slowing down seemed a little crazy, it allowed me time. Time to grieve, time to cry, time to smile, time to laugh occasionally, time to reflect, time to just BE. It gave me space to allow emotions to flow and be expressed. It gave space for me to accept that anger, grief and sadness were acceptable to express anytime, anywhere. I didn’t feel the need to suppress these emotions or expect others around me to suppress their emotions, especially if they were different to mine. I was able to accept and acknowledge these emotions. “Remember, crying is a baby’s language – it is a way to express pain, anger, and sadness. Acknowledge the emotions your baby is expressing. Let him know he has communicated.” – Magda Gerber. Crying became my language and release. Emotional literacy, allowing children to learn about and express their emotions, rather than suppressing or ignoring them is important in our work with children, yet, we often don’t allow this of ourselves, and other adults. This leads me to authenticity and respect.

Giving myself and my husband permission to be authentic was a colossal aspect of my healing. To do what I needed to do or often just do nothing, to feel what I was feeling or feel numbness, to be indecisive, to sleep, to workout, to read, to question, to just be and allow others to do what they needed. Not having expectations allowed this authenticity to emanate. For me, allowing authenticity spoke respect.

Respect is the underlying principle of the Educaring® Approach. And this respect starts with self-respect. How can we sincerely respect others around us and the children in our care if we cannot respect our self? RIE® advocates meeting the child where they are, accepting what they can do today and enjoying this rather than wanting them to be on the next level. As a RIE® influenced practitioner I strive to do this, to accept where children are at right now and allow them to be in that place for as long as they need to be. Following Manu’s passing I had to do this for myself. I couldn’t physically or emotionally be anywhere else, I also had to do this for others on this journey, I had to allow them to be where they were, to do things differently to me. I found myself giving this respect to myself and to others.

While I earlier mentioned not having expectations, I did still have boundaries. I had to have physical boundaries, as I would burnout if I did too much, and I had to have social boundaries too. One of them was that it was ok to not go to events and be around others. Consistency and predictability within my days kept me going and eventuality got me back to a place of ‘normality’ if such a place exists.

The final aspect that I recognise as being evident in my life during this past year of grief and healing was having a secure base. This we should all know is imperative to our work with children as primary or main caregivers. We act as a secure base for them especially during times of change. I was lucky to have two secure bases during this time. One was my husband, as I knew he totally got what I was experiencing from his previous experience and the other was my God, who sure wasn’t going anywhere.

As Manu’s anniversary approaches and I have been reflecting on the past year, it has been interesting to examine how that during this time the people who got what I was dealing with, who were able to allow me time to heal and continue to allow me to be where I am on this journey to this day, many of them are familiar to the Educaring approach themselves. It is also thought provoking to see how the boundaries between professional life and personal life are blurred in relation to living the philosophy. I could not separate the two ways of being, they are entwined every day of my life. Don’t do RIE®, live RIE®, it’s so much more fulfilling and authentic.

Malenka is an NZITC Board member. She completed RIE® Foundations with Polly Elam in 2011 and completed her RIE® Practicum with Sharon Smith in 2019.

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Young children and self-regulation development – It takes two

1/9/2019

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By Justine O'Hara-Gregan

Infants are born with amazing competencies including the ability to connect with their caregivers and to learn from the socio-cultural and environmental contexts they are born into. What infants are not born with is the ability to independently self-regulate. Self-regulation is “the ability to monitor and manage one’s thinking, attention, feelings, and behaviour” (Thompson, 2009,p.33) in response to a range of social, emotional, physical, auditory, visual or other environmental factors. Put another way, self- regulation refers to how efficiently and effectively an individual deals with a stressor and then recovers. “ To deal with a stressor, the brain triggers a sort of gas pedal, the sympathetic nervous system, to produce the energy needed; and then applies a sort of brake, the parasympathetic nervous system, in order to recover. In this way the brain regulates the amount of energy that the child expends on stress so that resources are freed up for other bodily functions, like digestion, cellular repair, maintaining a stable body temperature, or paying attention and learning” (Shanker, 2013, p.2).

At birth infants have some basic self-regulation abilities to help them respond to sensory information and stressors - shifting their attention or looking away when they feel overwhelmed ,self-soothing by sucking on their fingers, a pacifier or a breast to help reduce distress or shutting down. These are helpful strategies in the short term, but in the long-term infants don’t have the capacity to change their experience independently. Infants need more capable others to help them with their regulatory needs including feeding, temperature control and managing environmental stimuli. “They need adults who are sensitive to their cues, responsive to their needs, and able to provide a soothing presence in times of distress.” (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017, p.4).

Co-regulation is the term used to describe the ways in which adults can provide support, coaching and modelling for infants, toddlers and young children as they develop the ability to self-regulate. Co-regulating requires adults to pay close attention to the cues children send, and to respond consistently and sensitively with just the right amount of support (Gillespie, 2015). Adults also need to manage environmental stressors (eg excessive noise, bright lights, temperature) and provide consistent, predictable routines and expectations to support the child to self-regulate (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017). Essentially the adult is able to use their own more highly developed brain and ability to self-regulate to offer the young child what they need to either up regulate or down regulate their autonomic nervous system back into a balanced, calm and alert state

Although Magda Gerber’s teachings (Gerber & Weaver, 2002) did not explicitly use the terms self-regulation or co- regulation, the principles and practices within the Educaring® Approach provide guidance for adults in how they can co-regulate and support children’s developing capacity to self-regulate. In particular adults can:
•Trust in the child’s competence – recognising when and how much support individual children require.
•Observe sensitively – to understand the child’s communications and needs.
•Involve the child in caregiving times – create opportunities for children to be active participants in their own care. During care moments focus on interaction, cooperation, intimacy and mutual enjoyment by being fully present to the child.
• Create a safe, challenging, predictable environment – to support children’s feeling of trust and security but with opportunities for children to experience challenges and develop resilience.
•Provide time for uninterrupted play and freedom to explore – by appreciating and observing the child’s self- motivated play and exploration adults can offer support and coaching for problem solving if needed.
•Be consistent – establish clearly defined limits and support children to develop awareness of the perspectives of others as well as awareness and acceptance of their own feelings. Children need the adult’s in their lives to offer a calm, stabilizing presence so that the child can also achieve a balanced and calm state.

Of course, in order to be able to co-regulate effectively with children, adults must also be able to self-regulate. Young children are incredibly sensitive to the emotions and behaviours of adults. As Magda said “ What [adults] teach is themselves, as models of what is human – by their moods, their reactions, their facial expressions and actions. These are the real things [adults] need to be aware of, and of how they affect their children” (Gerber & Weaver, 2002, p.14). If adults are feeling stressed, they may find it more difficult to calm a child and may actually increase the child’s dysregulation making it even harder to soothe them (Rosanbalm & Murray, 2017). Magda was a great advocate for caregivers respecting their own needs and being able to balance their own needs with the needs of the children they care for (Gerber & Weaver, 2002). Rosanbalm and Murray (2017) have identified that caregivers who focus on improving their own coping and calm-down skills build their own self-regulation, provide a more calming influence to children in their care, and are better able to teach these same skills to children as they grow.

The ability to self-regulate and co-regulate are closely intertwined for young children and their caregivers. If caregivers are able to effectively self-regulate then they will more effectively co-regulate with young children. Responding to children from a place of stability and calm demonstrates respect for them as competent, authentic human beings and supports their developing self- awareness and ability to manage their own thinking, attention, feelings and behaviour in healthy and positive ways. It takes two.

References
Gerber, M. & Weaver, J. (2002). Dear parent: Caring for infants with respect. Los Angeles, CA: Resources for Infant Educarers.
Rosanbalm, K.D., & Murray, D.W. (2017). Promoting Self- Regulation in Early Childhood: A Practice Brief. OPRE Brief #2017-79. Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, US. Department of Health and Human Services.
Shanker, S. (2013). Calm, alert and happy. Retrieved 20 August 2019 from: http://www.edu.gov.on.ca/childcare/shanker.pdf
Thompson, R. (2009). Doing what doesn’t come naturally. Zero to Three, November 2009, 33-39.

Justine is a NZITC Board member and a Professional Teaching Fellow at the University of Auckland. She completed the RIE® FoundationsTM course in 2012 with Polly Elam

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Thinking outside the box(es): The joy of Junk Play

1/8/2019

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By Anita Homewood

It’s the age-old scenario: a one year old’s birthday, a beautifully wrapped gift unwrapped, and the child takes great delight in the box itself, spending hours exploring all the box can offer!

As a child who grew up in the Playcentre era, I have long been passionate about junk play, otherwise known popularly nowadays as Loose Parts play. Hours of exploring, discovering, and just pure joy can be found in the simplest of resources.

Alison Gopnik likens infants and toddlers to scientists. All the faculties involved in exploring and making
discoveries are the same for both; it is just innately built into infants. There is a drive for infants to follow their curiosity and find ways to make sense of their world. Loose parts are a great way for infants and toddlers to exercise their inner scientist.

Ken Robinson describes creativity as being the process of having original ideas, which have value. For infants and toddlers, every discovery they make is, for them, an original idea. Of course we may have seen these moments of discovery a thousand times before, over the years, with all the children in our care. What is important is to remember this is the first discovery for that child; they have found a way to make sense of their world in their own way and in their own time. So the way we acknowledge it is important.

How does this fit within the Educaring® Approach? Magda Gerber recognized infants and toddlers as competent, and able to navigate their own learning pathway. One way this can occur is to create the environment that ensures infants and toddlers have the freedom to follow their curiosity, and to be creative with a generous array of loose parts.

There is no real formula for what to offer children in terms of loose parts. It all depends on how the child interacts with and uses them. And the beauty of this is that it changes over time. An example I can think of is a cotton napkin. For an infant, it becomes something to grab, at first by reflex then by intention. It is lightweight and malleable, able to be easily manipulated by the infant. As the infant grows, the infant may use the napkin as an interactive tool – the classic game of peek-a-boo – and hide their face underneath it. When the infant begins to move around their space, you may notice the napkin being posted – into boxes, or into nooks and crannies. As the infant grows into a toddler, and into imaginary play, they may use the napkin to wrap their babies in. This is what I love about loose parts; the versatility and freedom to be whatever the child wants them to be to work through their ideas.

When looking at loose parts, there are a few that I always seem to love collecting. Of course, one of my favourites is boxes – big ones, little ones, cardboard or tin. In fact, recyclables in general are fabulous loose parts, and are of little or no cost to us. Ecowise bottles are great – from the rinse aid bottles to the laundry detergent bottles. The labels can be removed, as can the lids. I have enjoyed observing infants and toddlers using these bottles in a variety of ways. I also love the Lewis Road Creamery sour cream or ice cream containers – children spend ages filling them, popping the lid on, transporting them, or transforming them into shakers. These are just a few of my favourites; there are many more.

Living in Aotearoa, we are surrounded by all things natural. So offering a variety of natural loose parts for infants and toddlers to explore and use – wooden planks/blocks, large rocks, feathers, sand, water, clay - all can be provide opportunities for infants and toddlers to be creative. Of course, being mindful and ensuring these loose parts are safe for use. This will come down to how much you trust the child to know how to use them respectfully. It will also come down to how much you, the adult, trust the child to know.

This leads to the question of what is my role as the teacher? I am often reminded of Magda Gerber’s words: “Be careful what you teach. It might interfere with what they are learning.” Being able to sit back and observe infants and toddlers exploring loose parts allows us as teachers to learn more about the child and how they make sense of their world. It allows the child time to be creative, to solve problems, to develop those dispositions necessary for life-long learning.

Anita is a NZITC Board member and an educator at Hobsonville Point ELC in Auckland. She completed her RIE® Foundations training in 2010 with Polly Elam.

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Where does the Trust start?

1/7/2019

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By Antonia Fletcher

How do we, as early childhood teachers, build trusting relationships with children’s parents, caregivers and whanau? This is something I have reflected on often throughout my teaching journey. Working in early childhood centres for the past five years, I have come across many different families, in different situations, from different backgrounds and all who I have had different relationships with. Some relationships were formed quickly; maybe we had similar interests or cultural backgrounds? Maybe we had the same sense of humour? Or simply I was there, and able to help them at a time when they needed it. Maybe in helping them I learnt something from them too? Some relationships took a bit more effort and time to flourish and that was okay too. One thing that I can say from my experience is, the families that I grew strong relationships with I also grew strong relationships with their children – to me the two came hand in hand.

Is it important for teachers and parents to have a relationship? I strongly believe it is. If we want to provide the best possible outcomes for children in our care, it is essential. Why is it important to have a relationship with children’s families? Urie Bronfenbrenner shared with us in his model of human ecology, the positive outcomes that can occur for children when the different systems in their life interact with each other. For children to see two people who directly impact their lives cooperatively working together for their benefit, it provides them a model for healthy relationships. This relationship provides opportunity for continuity of care in the child’s world. If there is no relationship between teachers and parents we miss out on the vital opportunity to learn from one another. For the teachers to learn about the parents – the experts of the child; and the Parents may also miss the opportunity to learn from the teachers – and to seek support when they need it. At the end of the day, parents and teachers working in partnership means they can support each other to do the best job possible and provide better outcomes for the children. In my opinion, trust is essential to building strong, lasting relationships with families.

So where does the trust start? I believe first impressions are so important. When welcoming a family into a centre I think it is important to put ourselves in their shoes. Reflect on your own experiences of going somewhere for your first time. Perhaps, reflect on when you started a new job? How were you made to feel welcome? What were the things that made you feel comfortable? I think of my own experience starting at Oma Rapeti in 2017. Prior to starting (through email communication), I was told what my first day would look like. This included when induction tasks would take place, that I would be given time to read policies, time to observe in the Burrow space I would be working in and also that I was going to be taken out for lunch by some of the senior team members. When I walked in on my first day I had a few nerves but felt secure knowing that I knew what my day was going to look like. Out in the staff room I found my named locker with the most beautifully set up welcome table; home made loaf, a ‘Happy 1st Day Antonia’ sign and some small gifts. How lucky was I right?!

I am not suggesting that all this needs to happen when welcoming new families into a centre. This experience however, provided me with some key ideas as to how we can make a first impression and put people at ease. My first day I walked into an unfamiliar space feeling secure that I knew what to expect. When I arrived that security grew as I saw that I had been considered. I already had a place at Oma Rapeti and although I felt a little uncertain (as you do on your first day) I already had trust in the team, as they showed to me they knew what they were doing.

So what can we do to ensure parents have a good first impression stepping into our centres? Knowing where to go and who to ask for could be a good place to start. Perhaps you have a welcome sign up in your entrance or in the room? If you have bag hooks, you could have a named space for their child ready and waiting. Having their child’s main caregiver/s fully available to them, making sure they have had their break already and can be there to support them. If we reflect on the RIE® principles that we practice with the children, we can use these as a guide and apply these to parents too. We show them respect by giving them uninterrupted time and our full attention.

We are so fortunate to be given the opportunity to care for people’s most loved treasures. It is so special to know that someone chose your centre to care for their loved ones, however their trust is not automatically granted. I would hope that they chose our centre because they thought they could trust us, but sometimes proximity to work or home takes priority. I think it is important to research, ask the question itself, why did you pick our centre? What was it that attracted you here? This will give you a good foundation and knowledge base to find out what is important to this family, including what their values are, and what their hopes are for their child.

So how do we continue to build trust with parents? I believe we build trust with parents by trusting them first. They are the experts on their own children. We need to make that clear to them - that we are here to learn from them first and foremost. To gather information; we need to ask questions, listen and be open. We need to meet parents where they are at and celebrate that they have done a good job. Through our conversations with parents we want them to know that we value them.

This means withholding from any judgements. I believe anyone who has learnt about the Educaring® Approach and values its key principles is passionate about the approach. We want to find ways to share the work of Magda Gerber, to advocate for children and to help others to see infants & toddlers through a different lens. But at what point can we do this with parents/families? As Magda said time and time again, “it depends”.

How much does the family know about the Educaring® Approach? Was this what bought them to the centre? Do they practice the philosophy at home? Is the philosophy completely new to them? Perhaps they chose your centre because they liked the garden, or nutrition? I believe we need to tread carefully when introducing our own ideas and beliefs around children’s care with their parents. Especially when prior to coming to you, they may have done things differently.

Have you ever met someone for the first time and they have asked a question that has made you uncomfortable? A question that you felt made a judgment of you, your values and your worth? How did that make you feel? The worst thing we could do to a parent is make them feel judged and feel that their own parenting is in question. Magda Gerber said “A good enough parent, is a good enough parent. But caregivers must be excellent”.

When writing my personal philosophy during my studies I focused on a quote by Maya Angelou “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better”. I completed the RIE® Foundations : Theory and Observation™ course with Sharon Smith in 2017 and throughout the course I needed that quote again. It was an amazing experience and opportunity to look deeper at Magda’s work, but also confronting at the same time. I struggled, with moments of guilt that I had not been doing right by the infants and toddlers in my care. That was my own experience, one that I am glad that I have had as it makes me weary when introducing my own ideas to families. I give time and space to ensure the ideas are welcomed and am sensitive when making suggestions. I know it can be overwhelming when it requires you to reflect on something so ingrained in your practice that you have done daily. This does not mean I do not share the Educaring® Approach, it’s something that I am passionate about sharing the work of Magda. But as I said above I believe we need to tread carefully. We are here to advocate for children and create better learning outcomes for them, but this cannot happen if we break our relationships with families along the way.

How do we protect our relationships with parents? You may have built and established trust with a family but just like relationships in our personal lives, these relationships need to be maintained. Trust can be broken if we are not careful, we need to nurture and protect our relationships. Communication is so important, for example sharing exciting moments in their child’s day is so beneficial. Ask about what has been happening at home. Keep the conversation going! Sometimes there may be discussions that you need to have with a family. Knowing when to have ‘those’ conversations can be tricky, it is all about knowing the person. Reading people is not a skill that can be taught but as we say with the children, observation is key! Observe the parents, read their body language and that will tell you if it is the time to have that conversation. Are they looking tired, stressed or in a rush? When we look at the RIE® principles, predictability is so important. If it is a tough conversation, let the main caregiver or most known person to the family have that conversation. Perhaps prepare them first and let them know you want to have a chat when they come to pick their child up. Put yourself in their shoes, show them the respect you would like to be shown.

We need to treat the parents the way we treat the child. Allow them to be who they are, and appreciate where they are at that moment. My teaching journey has been a long one; so far filled with so much learning, and it is really only just begun. All parents are on their own parenting journey, learning as they go and trying to do right by their own children. We can not tell them how to be, but simply be with them for the journey.

Antonia Fletcher is a Senior Teacher at Oma Rapeti in Freeman’s Bay in Auckland. She completed RIE® Foundations in 2017 with Sharon Smith.

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